Secretly, I am a brilliant inventor. It is how I’ve always rocked myself to sleep, imagining ever more complex machinery. I’ve kept projects going for weeks, reviewing past innovations in my head. Compost contraptions, cold frames and graywater systems figure prominently. When I was a teenager, before I got to college and learned that it was possible to just skip depilation, I used to imagine a breed of birds could just descend upon me and eat my unwanted calf hair. Typing that just now, it sounds sort of nasty, I guess, but I thought it was pretty brilliant. I could just lie about idly instead of navigating nicks and razor burn. If I had known that there were fish who’d gladly nibble off my callouses I’m sure, absolutely sure, I would have worked them into my menagerie.
I’m thinking we could get some of those for Greene Acres’ pond. But only if they can digest staph.
PS. My next project is a complete history of composting contraptions. Starting with the ancients. Leads?